Is expensive or non-existent. 
Not tangible or reachable.
Impossible or out of my scope.
That’s a life that was given, that is the life some God decided to let me take.
Why?
I ask that fucking question every day.
Peering out from my passenger side window every where I go.
My mind just pumps out the same question.

Why the fuck are you doing what you’re doing.

You’re unhappy.
You’re lonely.
You’re learning nothing.
You are in a dead end job.
Your pay is shit.
Your work is shit.
Your life is shit. 

Why bother with this monotonous hell.
Why bother at all.

The most discouraging parts of the day, are always the ones when i’m stuck thinking relentlessly about how my future will pan out. And how inevitable unhappiness is. Because in the past twenty years of my life i’ve barely been graced with a single grain of joy. Had I been graced, the grain immediately had no trouble slipping though my fingers.

It’s not just C’est la vie, I mean, it is really.
But it isn’t the right phrase that comes to mind.
The right phrase is life sucks, then you die.
If I even attempt at factoring religion in, I just want to blow my brains out more.
The things to do, the things not to do.
I just want to find out if there are other legitimate life forms on other planets so I can die without the fear of burning in the second circle.

Sigh.

I give up. 

-KRJP